By-Vanessa Hampton

Years ago, my days began like this. Wake up. Walk to the restroom. Look in the mirror and start beating myself up mentally for what I did or did not do the day before. Every. Single. Day. Either I had failed in my attempt to eat less calories the prior day…or I had skipped the exercise that I had planned to do…or there was something else I decided that I had failed at. Then, I would turn sideways to see how far my stomach was sticking out in an effort to decide how ugly I felt that day. Brutal right?

After the initial self-berating in the mirror, while getting dressed for the day, the bullying would begin again. I either hated how my clothes looked, or I had nothing to wear that would make me appear less chunky and more attractive, etc. etc.  Oh, and on the days that I actually stepped on the scale and weighed myself, it would ensure tears and a poor mood the rest of the day. It was a vicious, vicious cycle. 

I look back at all of that, and it literally brings tears to my eyes to think about how I treated myself. There has never been a day in my life when I would ever consider treating another person the way I was treating myself at that time. Thankfully, I finally came to realize that I was never going to affect a real and lasting change in me unless I started from the inside out. That is when I made the decision to stop being so mean to myself. 

It sounds simple, but it wasn’t. It took a lot of time to change the language that was going on in my head because, if you say things enough times (either in your head or out loud), you begin to believe them. I had to be intentional about stopping and rewinding my thoughts every time that negativity would enter my headspace. It was a process to begin to believe the good and not the bad, but it got easier over time. 

All of the negativity towards myself was rooted in fear. Fear of being viewed poorly by others. Fear of not being accepted or loved because of what people saw on the outside. Just fear. Taking control of something in my life helped to settle those fears. I started changing my eating and making intentional decisions about everything I ate. The more I felt in control of my eating, the more I started to believe in myself. Because I was taking control of my own actions, my fears began to subside, and so did the negative headspace. 

I know that I am not alone in how I used to talk to myself. I see the same tendency in others all the time. Sometimes it’s in the things they say. Sometimes it is the look in their eyes. Either way, I understand all too well what is happening. It’s why I don’t allow the people in my circle to use harsh language towards themselves like “I am fat”, or even to apologize to me in a workout for what they couldn’t do successfully in the moment. That type of talk is toxic.

Showing ourselves grace is not always easy and, for some of us, it may seem impossible. If this is you, just make the decision to STOP. Stop being mean to yourself. Be intentional about changing your self-talk, one thought at a time, even if you don’t believe it initially.  It won’t happen overnight or all at once, but it can happen if you put intention to it. Understand that any physical changes you want for yourself, or changes you want for your life as a whole, will not be real and sustainable unless you start them from the inside out. 

On the flip side now, my day begins like this. Wake up. Walk to the restroom singing a song in my head. Look in the mirror, laugh at my untamed hair, and look forward to the day that is ahead. I find that during my day now, I cheer myself on in the same encouraging and loving way that I cheer on others in my world. No more self-bullying because the mean girl is gone. 

Sending you kind and loving thoughts today. 

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